Filling the emptiness

Yesterday, I got pretty bent out of shape. I'm struggling with letting go of Panthea. My sponsor told me something last night that is interesting. He said, "You think that you're losing the love of your life. Maybe you are. There's nothing that you can do about it. However, consider this my brother, she fell in love with the guy who was still sick over the secrets that you just shared with me. Look how much all this shit bothers you. It ain't nothing that I've never heard before so relax. We attract what we are. You're still sick, but I promise you that when we're done with these steps you'll be different... and when you're different you'll attract someone different. Ya' feel me?!" He's a colorful fellow ;)
The point here is that while all this sounds real good, the fact remains that 4 weeks later I still love this girl with all of me. I'm not saying that some of shine hasn't rubbed off the apple these past 4 or 5 years, but she remains my favorite person in the world. Yes, her e-mails kill me, but they're required. Last night something she said cut me up and I didn't fall asleep until about 3am. I did some reading and some step work as a distraction. The further away she pushes me the easier it will be to let go. I guess some day I'll look back on the e-mails and be thankful she did for me what I can't do for myself. As my sponsor said, "When the pain gets great enough we stop. This applies to everything, Tom."
Hmm. Today's daily reflection can be found here: http://www.naworks.org/jft/09-15.html and basically what it says is that the world of addiction is a world of taking and being taken; the world of recovery is a world of giving and being given. In which world do we choose to live? I've been given a lot these past 4 weeks and I've been giving back what I can. It's time to be fully present in the fellowship and my program. I'm half way through step 1 and our goal is be done with Step 5 by my anniversary on December 22nd. I'll be celebrating at the Men's meeting in Amityville. I'll post the exact date when I know.