People outside of 12 step programs communicate differently than those living one. "How was your day?" is a canned follow-up to a greeting in "normal" society. Regular people expect an answer that is a sentence or two long. Don't go beyond that because they'll start to get uncomfortable. They don't know what to do with themselves as you outline the details of the feelings you experienced through various events that have transpired since the last time you saw them. In a 12 step program, the words, "How have you been?" are reserved for those in our support group or a new comer because (let's be honest here) this could take awhile lol. I mean just tonight I was having a google chat with L to the P about running and it was fine, but then John called me and we spoke for 34 minutes (I checked) about training... the reasons we went back, surprises and disappointments (in our physical capabilities), what goes through our heads when we run and the feelings we experience while at the gym and afterwards. We didn't go into our routines or anything like that. We just did what addicts do. We shared. Which couldn't be more different than what 2 men normally do. Until you've had some parking lot recovery, you'll never understand. If you're struggling, just open up. You might be surprised what you say and the response you get from the smiling person across from you. If we laugh it's because we identify with you 100%. Eventually you'll learn that sharing isn't just for times of struggle. It's the key to peace in your heart.
By the way, this isn't a knock against regular folks. My mom, my dad, grandma, sisters, and favorite person are all normal people. Try as they might, they're not used to communicating this way so they don't get it. Someday maybe, but not today.
