Tank you

“Gradually, as we become more God-centered than self-centered, our despair turns to hope.”

Basic Text, p. 95

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What a glorious thing to have hope!  Before coming to Narcotics Anonymous, many of us lived lives of utter hopelessness.  We believed we were destined to die from our disease.

Many members speak of being on a “pink cloud” their first months in the program.  We’ve stopped using, made some friends, and life looks promising.  Things are going great.  Then reality sets in.  Life is still life—we still lose jobs, our partners still leave us, friends still die, we still get sick.  Abstinence is no guarantee that life will always go our way.

When the reality of life on its own terms sets in, we turn to our Higher Power and remember that life happens the way life happens.  But no matter what occurs in our recovery we need not despair, for there is always hope.  That hope lies in our relationship with our Higher Power.

This relationship, as expressed by the thought in our text, develops over time:  “Gradually, we become more God-centered.”  As we rely more and more on the strength of our Higher Power, life’s struggles don’t have to drag us into the sea of despair.  As we focus more on God, we focus less on ourselves.

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Just for today:  I will rely on my Higher Power.  I will accept that, regardless of what happens, my Higher Power will provide me with the resources to live with it.

God, please hold my hand for the next weeks... I'm going to need you.

Edit:: I was tempted to write more than ever. No. It's not more than ever. When I was contemplating suicide that night back in December 2006 I needed you more. When I was stressing over having the money and making the arrangements to move into the Farmingdale apartment I needed you more. When Panthea moved out after finding out that I was cheating on her I needed you more. When my mother was hospitalized before her death I needed you more. The weekend that Panthea and I stopped seeing each other last year I needed you more. You were there for me each and every time that I needed You. I'm actually more at peace right now than I was when I first started to write this because I know You'll always be there for me... I just have to ask. Thank you, God. Thank you for everything.