I'm... well, I don't know what I am

The last week or two has been full of ups and downs.

The mortgage company finally has all the documentation that they need. The process produced some significant feelings for me: anxiety over getting everything done in time as well as indignation at the minutia of the procedural guidelines. I consciously did my best to separate the people from the process. I was respectful yet stood my ground. If anyone else goes through this process in the future let me advise you not to forget that the documentation the bank will ask for is a guideline. There are some requirements (like W2s, pay checks, bank statements, and tax returns), but most of the tedious information you'll have to dig around for falls under the guidelines. You can't say no to everything they ask for so get what you can, but don't go crazy and send your 90 year old grandmother to the bank for a copy of the check she gave you for Christmas. Yes, they tried to ask for that and I told them to go scratch. The guidelines are in place so the underwriter has a leg to stand on with their superiors if the borrower defaults on the loan. I get that people need to cover their ass, but my loan has an LPV of less than 30. In a good year I could almost pay off the entire mortgage so lets not pretend that anyone is doing favors here.

The other thing that has me jammed up is moving. I'm going through all the stuff and it's so hard. There really are many fond memories associated with each tidbit and do-dad. Throwing out and giving away things make me sad. The pink stuff: bowls, drying rack, fridge magnets, etc. all remind me of a time when life was different. Tiny sneakers and socks for little feet in my closets and draws. Text books, notebooks, little notes, pictures, cards, movies, bathing suit, bras, underwear, toothbrush, make-up, hair dryer, loofah, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hair towel thingy, it goes on and on and on and on. How do I discard these things? I'm not mad. She's not mad. It just didn't work out. Is it disrespectful to throw out items that are sentimental? My therapist says that I could take them with me until I see no use for them anymore. I don't have any use for them. I don't use them. I barely notice them anymore. It's just that when I try to throw them away my heart hurts :(

Finally, there's the new house to do list: To paint or not to paint? Which light fixtures and chandeliers? Furniture for every room like couches and tables. I need a bedroom set. Should I turn the living room into a game room with a vape bar?! Take out the jacuzzi tub and install the shower of my dreams? There are so many things. I've never done this before. I've actually signed up for a groupon course to get certified as an interior decorator because I'm way over my head here. Oh yeah... let's not forget seasonal landscaping and the outdoor furniture. Should I install the generator this year or not? I haven't been in the house since December and hardly remember what it looks like inside. I have the property listing pictures from the website, but that's about it. Once I get the keys, the clock starts ticking on paying both mortgages so I can't dilly dally with any renovations. I don't want to live in a construction zone so any mess will need to be made before I move in.

It's a lot to take in. Many things going on at the same time along with work, a social life, meetings, planning a vacation. Go ahead and say it... these are luxury problems. I know. Just try and keep in mind that they are all still in my face and I have to deal with all of them right now. I'm not alone, but I am on my own. Sigh.