Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.
For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
I'm pretty sure that I've read this before. So many things strike me as sad. So many conflicts. He knows he should feel better about his life, but he can't. He makes people happy, but he's not happy with himself. Writing and playing the music don't do for him what they did in the past. Even listening to the music he once loved doesn't free him from the sadness. Always so sad. He tried to be happy. He pretended to be happy (fake it until you make it), but he just couldn't stand it anymore. The shame of it all is that "it" was his current life. Nirvana could have stopped playing music. They (Kurt, Frances, and Courtney) could have moved to Norway or something and grown coffee beans for the next 60 years while he wrote down his thoughts and figured out his next move. The problem wasn't with him, it's how he felt about his life. He could have changed his life instead of ending it. RIP.
I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good
I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail
PAIN (x3)
YOU KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT (x3)
It's so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Lets talk about something else
Steaming soup against her mouth
Nothing ever bothers her
She just wants to love herself
I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail
PAIN (x3)
YOU KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT (x3)
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good
I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail
PAIN (x3)
YOU KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT (x3)
It's so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Lets talk about something else
Steaming soup against her mouth
Nothing ever bothers her
She just wants to love herself
I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail
PAIN (x3)
YOU KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT (x3)
