He called me after she gave birth and we spoke about the delivery. I won't go into detail, but it was very emotional. He described to me the feelings of holding his daughter for the first time and how grateful he is to have this life vs his old one. We cried together, called each other pussies, and got off the phone.
Afterwards, my mind was going in a bunch of different directions and the tears wouldn't stop. I kept crying for a while. Now, please understand that I'm happy for my friends. They deserve their family unit and a healthy baby girl. With that said, for the first time in a long while I'm envious of someone. I yearn for what they have. I've spoken to him about this before. He knows I was crushed when what I believed was going to be my little family broke up 8 months ago. Yes, yes... Mia Khalifa and all that goes along with being single have some very good points. Unfortunately, like most distractions, the lift to your spirit doesn't last very long. In the moment there is usually nowhere that I'd rather be, but that type of feeling doesn't provide any lasting emotional buoyancy.
Straight and simple: My friend has his own little family now and I wanted that with her. Arguments or differences of opinion aside, her voice, her smile, her love, etc gave me everything I needed to face the world and kick it's ass. The idea of holding my child with her eyes came flooding back to me. I cried and cried. I went to the new house and sat by the pool, listened to some music, and just let it all out. Sigh.
Eventually I got up and walked around my house. It's beautiful, inside and out. It's almost fully painted now and everything is coming together. Soon I'll be taking delivery of furniture and moving my clothes in to my new home. That made me smile.
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