I'm not sayin... I'm just sayin

So my friend claims to have gone riding on his motorcycle for 2 hours last night with an average speed of 80-90 mph... hmmm. I asked him how many times he stopped for gas. He said none. Hmmm...3 gallon tank, MPG is inverse to speed soooo let's just say that it was A LOT less than 2 hours. The laws of thermodynamics don't lie, son.

I'm not sayin you're lying. I'm just sayin you ain't tellin the truth.

I'm not sayin she's fat. I'm just sayin if I had to name the 5 fattest people that I know, she'd be 3 of them.

I'm not sayin I hate you. I'm just sayin that if you got hit by a bus, I'd be the one driving that bus.

I'm not sayin I'm batman. I'm just sayin that no one has ever seen me and batman in the same room together.

I'm not sayin you're ugly. I'm just sayin that no one would ask any questions if we took you to the vet instead of the doctor.

I'm not sayin that I hate you. I'm just sayin that if you were on fire and I had a beer then I would throw away my clean time and drink the beer. I don't even like beer.

I'm not sayin stupid people should be killed. I'm just sayin let's remove all the warning labels and see what happens.

I'm not sayin that she's a hoe. I'm just sayin that she's had more balls in her mouth than hungry hungry hippos.

I'm not sayin your opinion is stupid. I'm just sayin that you're stupid for having it.

I'm not sayin that you're a hoe. I'm just sayin I find it odd that anytime you eat a banana you put one of your hands on the back of your head.

I'm not sayin that I'm a bad person. I'm just sayin that one morning satan woke up on my couch and wouldn't make eye contact with me.

I'm not sayin that he's not loyal. I'm just sayin that if he was a video game his dick would be rated "E" for everyone and there would be no codes required to make it easier to play.

I'm not sayin I don't like you. I'm just sayin that if you were on life support I might unplug the machine to charge my phone and not feel bad about it.

I'm not sayin you're stupid. I'm just sayin it's only thing you already know.