Bad dreams vs nightmares

What is a nightmare? The connotation is something frightening when referring to a dream, but it's merely something unpleasant if used when referring to bad service at a restaurant. ::shrugs::

Last night I had an unpleasant dream. It was an odd dream in that I was aware of what was going on, but could not control my actions or my words to affect any outcome. In the dream I wanted to write a note to someone, but could not control the words that wound up being left behind on the paper. I tried to make a phone call to someone, but could not locate the person's name in my contacts. I wanted to say certain things to someone, but could not make those words come out of my mouth. By the end of the dream I was so upset and frustrated that I started crying (in my dream).

I've had similar situations in my life where all options were taken away from me. That time of my life was truly a nightmare...

“For us, to use is to die, often in more ways than one.”

Basic Text, p. 82

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As newcomers, many of us came to our first meeting with only a small spark of life remaining.  That spark, our spirit, wants to survive.  Narcotics Anonymous nurtures that spirit.  The love of the fellowship quickly fans that spark into a flame.  With the Twelve Steps and the love of other recovering addicts, we begin to blossom into that whole, vital human being our Higher Power intended us to be.  We begin to enjoy life, finding purpose in our existence.  Each day we choose to stay clean, our spirit is revitalized and our relationship with our God grows.  Our spirit becomes stronger each day we choose life by staying clean.

Despite the fact that our new life in recovery is rewarding, the urge to use can sometimes be overwhelming.  When everything in our lives seems to go wrong, a return to using can seem like the only way out.  But we know what the consequence will be if we use—the loss of our carefully nurtured spirituality.  We have traveled too far along the spiritual path to dishonor our spirit by using.  Snuffing the spiritual flame we have worked so hard to restore in our recovery is too dear a price to pay for getting high.

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Just for today July 22nd:  I am grateful that my spirit is strong and vital.  Today, I will honor that spirit by staying clean.