“We entertained the thought that staying clean was not paying
off, and the old thinking stirred up self-pity, resentment, and anger.”
Basic Text, p. 98
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There are days when some of us wallow in self-pity. It’s easy to
do. We may have expectations about how our lives should be in
recovery, expectations that aren’t always met. Maybe we’ve tried
unsuccessfully to control someone, or we think our circumstances should
be different. Perhaps we’ve compared ourselves with other recovering
addicts and found ourselves lacking. The more we try to make our life
conform to our expectations, the more uncomfortable we feel. Self-pity
can arise from living in our expectations instead of in the world as it
actually is.
When the world doesn’t measure up to our expectations, it’s often
our expectations that need adjusting, not the world. We can start by
comparing our lives today with the way they used to be, developing
gratitude for our recovery. We can extend this exercise in gratitude by
counting the good things in our lives, becoming thankful that the world
does not conform to our expectations but exceeds them. And if we
continue working the Twelve Steps, further cultivating gratitude and
acceptance, what we can expect in the future is more growth, more
happiness, and more peace of mind.
We’ve been given much in recovery; staying clean has paid off. Acceptance of our lives, just for today, frees us from our self-pity.
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Just for today: I will accept my life, gratefully, just as it is.
Yes, I've been fortunate. It's easy sometimes to look at my surroundings and think about how the picture isn't perfect. When I stop trying to fill in the blanks and just enjoy what exists today my spirit soars. I enjoy laughing again. I enjoy smiling and meaning it. Not having to force myself to keep my chin up. By no means is this my full time demeanor. I waffle back and forth, but it's better than it was a few weeks ago. Consistency is on the horizon. A new routine will bring me back to the place of peace I've known before. Until then I may sniffle or frown, but it's not for too long. I've come to realize that losing the woman I called my heart hasn't left me as empty as I thought because I have friends. My relationships with my friends unintentionally suffered while I was in my relationship with PB. Having those relationships back in my life has filled up part of what is lost. So I got that going for me... which is nice. Thanks, God.
