I know what not to do

“Take my will and my life.  Guide me in my recovery.  Show me how to live.”

Basic Text, p. 26

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How do we begin the process of letting our Higher Power guide our lives?  When we seek advice about situations that trouble us, we often find that our Higher Power works through others.  When we accept that we don’t have all the answers, we open ourselves to new and different options.  A willingness to let go of our preconceived ideas and opinions opens the channel for spiritual guidance to light our way.

At times, we must be driven to the point of distraction before we are ready to turn difficult situations over to our Higher Power.  Anxiously plotting, struggling, planning, worrying—none of these suffice.  We can be sure that if we turn our problems over to our Higher Power, through listening to others share their experience or in the quiet of meditation, the answers will come.

There is no point in living a frantic existence.  Charging through life like the house is on fire exhausts us and gets us nowhere.  In the long run, no amount of manipulation on our part will change a situation.  When we let go and allow ourselves access to a Higher Power, we will discover the best way to proceed.  Rest assured, answers derived from a sound spiritual basis will be far superior to any answers we could concoct on our own.

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Just for today:  I will let go and let my Higher Power guide my life.

I don't have all the answers. Sometimes, if I spend too much time wondering what went wrong I feel like I don't have any of the answers. I cry sometimes. With out warning the sadness comes and my eyes well up. I miss my friend sometimes. I miss her smile and her laugh. Then I remember all the hurt she brings along with those things. During our relationship I tried to live in the present... enjoy the good times and work through the rough spots. I guess that was foolish. A smile isn't enough. A hug isn't enough. I know what not to do now.

So many memories. So many plans derailed. I don't even want to think about how much of my life changed 2 weeks ago, but I can't help it. I'm faced with it every day. Pictures, notes, every fuckin thing in my damn house has been touched by her in some way. It's not easy to move forward when everything reminds me of the past. My salvation is that I have been here before. I remember what this feels like and that I have gotten through these feelings to the other side. Joy is still possible. It may be short lived at times, but it still comes. I don't need to fill my life with people and things that aren't good for me. I know what not to do now.

The above mentions being frantic. There are times when I want to fill the place she occupied with something or someone right away. Make this ache stop right now. Please God, wake me up from this bad dream. It's only been 2 weeks, but it feels like a hell of a lot longer. Patience. Serenity. Peace. These can be found through prayer. In time the answers and direction will be clear to me. Don't forget to give time time. When I can put the distractions away my Higher Power's will be apparent to me as it has been in the past. It's not easy. I'm writing tonight because I need hope. Typing the words rather than just thinking them. I know what not to do. God, please help me carry on until I see the right path.  Wrap me up in your love. Don't let go of this sad sad man. I know what not to do. Help me see your light when I close my eyes. I'm afraid of this darkness, Lord.

Sigh. Sniffle.

Pity party over for now.