Positive distractions... not all distractions are positive. I’m
doing the best that I can considering the circumstances, but there are many
ways to take your mind off something that I’m not currently making use of…
well, not yet anyway. It takes a conscious effort not to follow the easy / familiar path. I
have been tempted by food, sex, using, and spending money. None of these make
sense. None of these will solve my problem, nor will they lessen the problem in
any way. As a matter of fact each of these distractions has the potential to make
my situation worse. Here are a few examples:
- About a month ago I started to eat better. I feel good and my clothes fit better. This is a reason to smile. Going back to the ice cream crutch at night is a step in the wrong direction. This is especially true for the newly single.
- Speaking of single and ready to mingle (I know ::rimshot:: ) there is no greater emotional crutch than the hook-up. Change a feeling with a feeling. Get some positive affirmation… get yourself some sweet ass candy in a pretty wrapper. No matter how many times this is tried it always fails. As my friend Rob calls it, “Chasing Tail.” The distraction is the chase and thrill of the hunt. New pussy / dick is always appealing… at first. A new pretty wrapper. A new trick or two experienced and then it’s not new anymore. The wrapper is always more appealing before you open it… sometimes the insides smell bad too. Ew!!!
- Aside from fucking there is the option of getting fucked up. This has short term appeal as well… the sympathy share… “I’m Tommy and I have 2 days back. It all started when my Mom died. Then a few months later my long term relationship ended. Sniffle. I have so much love to give and no one loves me!” Hah. This is a great way to get attention and have tail come to you. Unfortunately the loss of clean time, money, and self respect also come along with it. A few hours in a bar with some jack and a nice drip, laughing to bong hits while watching a movie, grinding your teeth while your ears ring / heart beats out of your chest, or being slumped over in a chair after one too many pills… all of these offer a reprieve from the current state of mind and then they don’t so you need more to push the feelings back again. Meh.
- Finally there is spending. Along with food, this is the preferred distraction of those who have been clean and think they are emotionally healthy. Let’s see, my relationship is over and my mom is dead so I don’t need to buy a house anymore. Hmm, how about an RS7 or a CLS63?! Nice. WRONG! A new pair of sneakers has never solved any problem that I’ve had. A new TV might, but that’s because my current TV has the white dots of death. The car will get dirty or worse… old. Last years model isn’t as nice as this years model. Perhaps someone dings the door or the bumper. A pot hole or a curb damages the rim. While new clothes and a bad ass car might help in the hunt for new pussy those things in themselves don’t provide a sustained distraction or emotional lift.
Aside from food, I have done a pretty good job not falling
into these pitfalls of negative distractions the past few years. I did what
needed to be done to become a better person. Yes, I said better. I’m a better
version of myself than I was a few years ago. In general, I’m a better version
of myself than I was a few weeks ago with out all the bullshit hanging over my
head. Don’t get me wrong. I get very sad sometimes, but that’s because of the
derailment of my future plans. I’m mourning that loss as well as the loss of a friend. It’s especially tough
because of everything that is around me… my friend John had a child a few
months ago, my friend Mike had a baby the end of August, and to top it all off
this morning Adam tells me that his girl is pregnant. Are you kidding me?!
You’ve got to be kidding me. LOL. HAHAHA. Huge giant fucking SIGH!! Breathe.
Smile. I love all of these guys and I’m happy for each of them while being a
little more sad for me at the same time. God has a sense of humor kids.
Sometimes, when it rains it pours.
