Too much is going on to process it all. Mike died and I didn't do a thing for him to try and prevent it. I'm fuckin fat again. My parents are here. The only guy who I know that knew Mike is someone that I don't really like. My mom needs another blood transfusion. We're leaving for Ocean City a week from today. I missed the open mike this week and it's one of my favorite things to do so I'm missing a little of the buoyant feeling it provides. I'm not blind... I know she really likes me, but her insides aren't nearly as appealing as her outside so stop trying to push me towards something I'm not comfortable doing. I ripped a fairly new shirt. We're making a lot of money so far this year. I haven't read any recovery stuff in about 2 weeks and I feel like I'm regressing a little. Liberty is coming along nicely. I still want to smoke. I really miss Panthea's hugs. My home is kinda dirty and I wasted $400 in living social stuff for house cleaning because I forgot to use it. I've had a headache for over 24 hours and my eyes are blood shot. I need to put old pictures away because I look at them too much when I'm down. The last thing I said to my Grandpa was, "I can't talk now. I'll call you back." I thought about drinking recently. Even though my family is up here right now, I still have the feeling of missing them because they leave tomorrow. I'm busy and yet I feel so unproductive. On Monday I spent hours watching television holding a tiny stuffed giraffe.
The only thing I really felt comfortable doing the past 4 days was hugging a fucking stuffed animal. Yeah, that's where I'm at...
