I'm not tired of sex. I don't have nearly enough sex to be tired from that. I'm just tired of being pulled in so many directions. I pray every day, but I feel as though I'm loosing the centered feeling that I once had. I need to start reading again. Socializing is great, but I need to focus on my recovery more than I have been lately.
Work is busy enough that I can fill my day, but I haven't done much to further the business for over a month. I don't know why, but I feel run down. I don't think it's the cigs, because I actually saw my mood increase overall when I stopped smoking.
My effort level is that of someone who has grown complacent. I know I shouldn't be satisfied with what I'm doing right now. I have this feeling that I'm falling behind. That's a bad sign. That's my old shit kicking up again. Business wise, we're ahead of last year. I know that won't always be the case if I don't focus on growth through expanding our product mix. In the last 6 months there has been growth in my spirit through the reading and step work of NA, but this is an ongoing process and I need to move forward. I can not stay where I am in this process and expect my life to become what I believe it can be. Changes are difficult. Work requires effort. I know that I have reaped all the benefits from what I have done up to this point. If I want more from my life I'm going to have to do more.
For me, it's not just one day at a time, it's one thing at a time. I will pick one work project and one recovery project and move forward from here. I can only know joy when I'm happy with myself. I can be happy with myself when I feel productive. God, please grant me the strength and courage to move forward through fear and doubt so that I may know the peace and feel the love that comes from having an honest connection with You. Please Lord, help me to make use of the opportunities that you've blessed me with rather than taking them for granted. I will work towards a place of gratitude and respect for what you have provided. I know that my proper place is one of growth. I must live in today... make use of today in order to achieve what You have in store for me. Thanks for Your infinite patience.
