I've probably used up all my luck

Today, Friday January 29th, at noon Pearl Jam tickets went on sale to the general public through ticketmaster. There are a few guys in my office that like Pearl Jam so we all online with the ticketmaster website up waiting for the clock to count down... 5 minutes, 4 minutes, 3 minutes, 2 minutes, 1 minute... at around this time I'm getting concerned that the website may have logged me out due to inactivity or something... 30 seconds... the ticker is still counting down so it's probably fine... 20 seconds... Hmmm... somewhere around 12 or 10 seconds.... I think let me refresh my browser just to be sure... loading loading loading... shit I messed up... loading loading... DING! I got the tickets and the other 2 guys did not!!! Is it because of the screen refresh? I don't know, buuuuttt it worked!!! Yyyyeeeaaasssshhhhhhh!!... although it's only January and I've probably used up all my luck for 2016.

Wurd the fuck up hah

Parkour

 

 

 

Yeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!111111oneone

Aaaawwww yyyeahh! Woop woop! ::fist bump::

I literally jumped out of my seat at work when I got the e-mail hah I get to see my favorite band in great seats and it's not going to cost me an arm and a leg in the secondary market... put that in your pipe and smoke it, stubhub!!

I really really really hope they play Garden in The Garden :)

::edit:: I lucked out and got tickets for the Monday show from tickemaster. Both nights to increase my odds! Woop woop ::edit::

Oooooh maaaann

Alright kids, the first big storm of the year is upon us. It's already snowing and total accumulations are projected to be 16-22 inches. IIIII'''MMMM Ready -

Snow blower - check
Gas for snow blower - check
Shovels - check
Generator - check
Milk - check
Bottled water - check
Frosted Flakes - check
Cheese cake factory cheese cake - check
Decaf nespresso espresso pods - check
English muffins - check
Eggs - check
Cold cuts - check
Peanut butter - check
Strawberry jelly like substance- check
Brownie mix - check
Fake hot chocolate mix with synthetic marshmallows - check
Fireplace - check
PS4 - check
Bluray movies - check
Graf - check
Snuggles - check

I'm a pussy

Dennis: "You okay, Winnie?"

Winnie: "Yes, my zing."

... and I started crying. Un-fuckin-believable

Group Chats

There are 2 sides to every coin. In my opinion, nothing encompasses this statement more than a group chat -

Group chats can be useful. A few people are trying to get together and there's a discussion. Who's bringing what? What's the cross street? Where are you guys?! A group chat allows everyone to chime in and all information is available to anyone who is available... with service hah

Group chats can be entertaining. My friends can be funny and they can be brutal assholes. Most of the dialogue is not for the faint of heart. Today was no exception - Mothers, sexual orientation, adult toys, Trump, racism, obscene photos, and drug addiction were all in play.  I laughed out loud a few times.

Group chats can be annoying. Whether you're trying to take a nap, talking on the phone, write to your blog, doing the dirty, browse facebook, in a work meeting, in an NA meeting, or reading the installation manual for your air handler in a 100 degree attic multiple text messages can be intrusive... especially if your phone is not within reach and you forget to switch it to vibrate. Any attempt to express your annoyance with the multiple texts usually leads to replies about Mothers, sexual orientation, adult toys, Trump, racism, obscene photos, and drug addiction hah

And today's group chat winner is...

I'll leave the context up to your imagination.

Money

Money is made possible only by the men who produce it... Well, unless you win Power Ball  :)

#Francisco

By the way...

RIP Mom

Mom, you are loved. You're in our thoughts all the time. Michelle is getting married in April, I hosted all the holidays in my home, and Lisa has a petite German Shepherd. Although we know you're with us in spirit, we can't help but wish you were here in body as well. 

Last Christmas Dad gave us all photo albums of you. I keep mine on my coffee table. I have my favorite family photos on my refrigerator so I don't forget to smile. 

I decorated the inside of my house for Christmas with all the things from yours. I have lights all over the outside too :) It looks festive and you'd have loved it as much as I did. I have a real tree for the first time in my life and although Dad worried it would burn the house down I think I'll do it again next year as well.

There are times when I think about how my poor life choices robbed us both of the experiences mothers and sons usually get to share throughout a lifetime. I'm hopeful that you know I'm sorry for that. I promise not to repeat those things. 

I'm tearing up while typing this. Although today is the anniversary of your death I truly try to use this as an opportunity to remember your life. You gave everyone who knew you so much joy. I can't ever remember anyone ever mentioning you with anything but a smile on their face. 

Thank you, Mom. Thank you for the many examples you set. Thank you for the memories.

I love you, Mom.

Because she loved to dance. Make it really loud. Great song. Get up and shake that rump :)

There but for the grace of God, go I

“Our Higher Power is accessible to us at all times.  We receive guidance when we ask for knowledge of God’s will for us.”

  Basic Text, p. 95

––––=––––

It’s not always easy to make the right decision.  This is especially true for addicts learning to live by spiritual principles for the first time.  In addiction, we developed self-destructive, anti-social impulses.  When conflict arose, we took our cues from those negative impulses.  Our disease didn’t prepare us to make sound decisions.

Today, to find the direction we need, we ask our Higher Power.  We stop; we pray; and, quietly, we listen within for guidance.  We’ve come to believe that we can rely on a Power greater than ourselves.  That Power is accessible to us whenever we need it.  All we need do is pray for knowledge of our God’s will for us and the power to carry it out.

Each time we do this, each time we find direction amidst our confusion, our faith grows.  The more we rely on our Higher Power, the easier it becomes to ask for direction.  We’ve found the Power we were lacking in our addiction, a Power that is available to us at all times.  To find the direction we need to live fully and grow spiritually, all we have to do is maintain contact with the God of our understanding.

––––=––––

Just for today:  My Higher Power is a source of spiritual guidance within me that I can always draw upon.  When I lack direction today, I will ask for knowledge of my Higher Power’s will.

This is going to be a bit of ramble, but I promise I'll get to the point at the end. I've had this entry as a draft for awhile and never finished it up. It's a hodge podge of  things and I hope they all tie together by the time you're done reading this. Heeere we go!

How quickly I forget that I'm not alone in this world. It's over one year since Panthea and I broke up. It's also been over a year since we have communicated in any way. You might wonder why I bring her up so often, but she was a big part of my life. It's hard to tell my life story with out mentioning her during some part of it. Sometimes I'll look at the gazillion pictures I've taken of her or listen to a voicemail. She has a tiny little voice. I miss hearing her voice call me baby or saying my name. I admit that to myself and others. I've come to terms with the fact that it's not a bad thing to miss someone. I had a good experience with Pon. While I wasn't always good for her, more often than not she was good for me. I didn't mean to take more than I gave. In a lot of ways she was more mature than me. She taught me a lot. People notice things about me that I learned with her. I'm grateful for the whole experience, especially the last 2 years we were together.

When we broke up I was confused. I felt alone. She was the person I spoke to the most. The one I looked forward to hearing from throughout my day. When she was removed there was a void. I'd lost my friend. The break-up happened during our annual NA convention. My friends were around and they did what they could to prop me up. They kept me from sitting under the looming dark cloud. They made me smile and reminded me that I'm not alone.

In the months that have passed since then lots of things have taken place. The house and it's improvements, more therapy, the intestinal issues, new friendships have been formed, others have changed, my sister will be married soon, and almost everyone had kids hah The business has grown and changed. I've shrunk due to the intestinal issues hah. Vacations and Wings Over! I saw Pearl Jam and a bunch of other bands live. I found a new band to heart (Cold War Kids). I surprised myself by crying tears of joy the first time I had a house full of people. Why did I cry? Because if not for God's grace I would have none of these people or these things in my life.

As time passes I meet new people. While I can't say that I've gotten to know them all, I have spent more time than most would listening to these people talk about their lives. Dale Carnegie was on to something when he said that the most interesting thing people have to talk about is themselves. Some are addicts (in or out of recovery), but lately most are regular every day folks living the life of "normies." Some have hobbies and others do not. A few can play a musical instrument of some kind. A few have come to appreciate my skill at butt bongos :) Some have traveled the world while others prefer to surf the web. I spoke to a person on the phone a few time who had been to 6 of the 7 continents. I don't believe that I have a life's goal to do the same, but I would like to have pasta in Italy at some point. A few of these people are well read, but most only watch tv. I read a lot, but I'm not well read. When someone gets excited talking about a book I will most likely check it out. Sometimes the book is good on it's own while at others the material in the book often offers insight into the person who brought it up. The majority of people I've met are in a relationship of some form while others have no interest in coupling. Some have been kind and others have been cold. Some funny and some serious. Most were white and the rest were not hah ;)

As varied as these people have been very few of them have my life. They don't have the friendships I enjoy. They don't know trust or verbal intimacy. They don't have a supportive family. They don't have the security of knowing their car will start every morning or that their home heating system isn't going to break down. They don't have a career opportunity that allows them to reap rewards as a direct result of their efforts. They don't have a support system that roots for them to succeed instead of tainting the joy with envy. They don't have a God to talk to at night before they go to sleep. My life contains these things by God's grace alone.

I don't have everything any person could ever want, but I have what I want. It didn't have to be this way, but it is. I've made so many huge mistakes over the last 41 years and anyone of them could have derailed a chance of this life for good. Now add up the combination of fuck-ups put together and it's a miracle that I'm writing this... that I can smile or laugh or sleep at night at all. There have been times when I've felt that I don't deserve the life that I have now. I've hurt people. I've lied. I've stole. I've actively deceived the person who wanted to love me the most. Why do I have this life?!! Honestly, I don't know. I'm not complaining. I try show my gratitude by making use of every opportunity today. The only logical (yes, logical) explanation that I can come up with is that it's by God's grace alone. I could be any of you, but instead I'm me. Thank God.

P.S. - This wasn't meant to seem arrogant. The last sentence sort of comes off that way. The point of all of this is that I could be anyone, but I'm grateful that I'm me. When I look at you, I don't envy you. I'm just grateful that I'm me. There but for the grace of God, go I.

Happy New Year Kids

Thavage