Some days you just can't win

Horray! Puddles! Uh, oh...

...but it's good to have friends

Although even your best friend can't replace a hug from that little special someone.

Sigh. Exhale.

First dates

My sister was out on a date that was set up by our aunt and uncle. After 3 hours she was pulling her hair out so she reached out to me, her big brother, for suggestions how to end it. Being the compassionate person that I am it was only appropriate that I gave her some of the knowledge gained through my years of experience...

Thanks, Chuck

If only it was that easy

Link to his site

I don't see a problem

The blogger app still hasn't improved so I did a "few" minor formatting edits in a real browser. Sigh. Here it goes:

Ya' gottah be in it to win it.

If I win I will buy each of my sisters their own home. I will then look into purchasing the island of Saint Thomas for myself ;) #RKOI #yolo hollah lulz  ::rimshot::

Seriously though, no worries folks. I won't be selfish. I'll hold a lottery to let a few people a year come and visit... "Welcommmee... to fantasy island!"

The Plane! The Plane!

If you're under 30 years of age then you might need to google the reference. Hey, if I invest the money properly having a midget Frenchman to announce the arrival of my guests isn't too far fetched.

The cutest thing ever???

I could watch this for a long time.

Well, I'm lying. I did, in fact, watch this for a long time.
I want the rest of this video!!!!

My Kung-fu is stronger than yours

I love old Kung-fu movies. The cheesier the better. Here's a clip from an Indian movie that blows away everything I've seen to date. The right side of the video is clipped due to Blogger's formatting. You can click the video to see it's full glory at the source.

  

That's some hot cheesy goodness!

Yes, he is sniffing crushed cheetos

Bag it

Now that's funny.

Somewhat related, and pretty damn funny too

Diet coke. Fail.

Cream soda is my favorite soft drink. If it's not available then my next choice is sprite. Lately I've been eating super low carb (less than 20 grams a day). My weight loss can stall pretty easily so I've been avoiding diet soda (look it up yourself. Google is your friend) and basically only drinking water.

I'm at the airport and the sports bar in the terminal is pretty jam packed. There is only one bartender and he's having a hard time: mixing drinks, stocking the bar, pouring beers, putting away glasses, etc. I raise my voice to get his attention. All I want is a glass of water, but when he looks at me exasperated I say, "Diet coke" instead. This might seem retarded to you, the reader, but to me it made perfect sense. Diet coke isn't sexy like Guiness or a Yuengling, but at least it's a purchase. Water is free and for some reason I felt foolish taking him away from managing the chaos behind the bar to get me a glass of H2O.

I dunno... anyway, I haven't had diet code in a year or so and it's kinda gross. The blogger app still sucks and has totally sucked the life out me and any laugh you might have gotten from this story had I been able to type properly 8P

Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self

Let's just say that ya' might want to join me for coffee in a church basement tonight if you're one of the 1000+ people who purchased these ;)

Yeah, I know. It's a gag gift. Right.

Just remember that I told you so WHEN someone like me does this to you. Real talk, kids.

 

P.S. Take a look at the snowman up in the left hand corner of the Groupon pic. Why doesn't it have a head?

Up up and away

Hopefully that's how it goes. Rather than...

I really wish that you tube had slow motion.

I also wish that JetBlue would test and publish the Psych profiles of their pilots prior to take off. Ya know, just in case ;)

Burn

God created AA first because there is always a rough draft...?!! Hahahha

BURN!

Group Of Drugies

Just a few friends of Jim

A dray?

Many of us spent much of our using time alone, avoiding other people—especially people who were not using—at all costs. After years of isolation, trying to find a place for ourselves in a bustling, sometimes boisterous fellowship is not always easy. We may still feel isolated, focusing on our differences rather than our similarities. The overwhelming feelings that often arise in early recovery—feelings of fear, anger, and mistrust—can also keep us isolated. We may feel like aliens but we must remember, the alienation is ours, not NA’s.

In Narcotics Anonymous, we are offered a very special opportunity for friendship. We are brought together with people who understand us like no one else can. We are encouraged to share with these people our feelings, our problems, our triumphs, and our failures. Slowly, the recognition and identification we find in NA bridge the lonely gap of alienation in our hearts. As we’ve heard it said—the program works, if we let it.

 Yes, it's program. A program made of people. The program creates an environment where people interact on a different level than in normal day to day society. It's like we're survivors of some disaster like a plane crash. We  have found a safe place to share our thoughts, emotions, and experiences. It's a level of communication and honesty above and beyond anything I've ever experienced in my life.

For those not in a 12 step program - Imagine the openness you shared with your family, friends, neighbors, and roommates during your experience with Hurricane Sandy. Now find a group of people and repeat this behavior everyday. Most people are so self absorbed that this isn't appealing. To the rest of us, it's what we've been searching for our whole lives. This isn't to say that there haven't been people outside the program who we've connected with in our lives. I just can't name one who is currently in mine right now. Can you?

 

I know this video has terrible sound quality. The reason I chose this one is because of her monologue at the beginning. I've listened to the original version of this song a hundred times over the last week or so because I'm sick and don't want to work or cook or do laundry, etc. I can get really down when I'm sick so I need inspiration to keep going until my internal chipmunk starts running again on the spinning wheel that keeps me moving. (Yes, it's a chipmunk. No you can not get a look at him by pulling on my ears or pet him by putting things in my butt... joo foolz). Anywho, I had no idea that this band had any religious / spiritual connection or message. I just thought it was a good tune. Coincidence? Sure is amazing how that happens so often... well, it's an awesome song and it's just what I've needed lately. I'm still sick, but I know I'm not alone (you like that double meaning and tie in right?!... right?!... or not lol).

By the way the band is Superchic[k] and the song is Stand In The Rain. YouTube is your friend for a version with better sound quality. So yeah, I listen to Superchic[k] and no, I'm not looking for men to come over and cuddle. Unless you want me to show you how to get your own little chipmunk moving again...

Why is it that the internet can not provide a definitive answer to the question, "What is the name for a group of chipmunks?"

Conspiracy Theory

Popular vote 2012:
Obama = 62,615,406
Romney = 59,142,004
http://www.cnn.com/election/2012/results/main

Popular vote 2008:
Obama = 69,498,516
McCain = 59,948,323
http://www.fec.gov/pubrec/fe2008/tables2008.pdf

Total votes cast for the 2 major parties was about 6% lower for the 2012 election. However, the early vote was actually higher in 2012 vs 2008 (32,311,399 vs 31,733,635)

http://elections.gmu.edu/early_vote_2012.html

http://elections.gmu.edu/early_vote_2008.html

Doesn't this seem odd to you?

By the way, the market was down again today...

I know... I know... this is all a coincidence and/or Bush's fault.

It's been 4 years and a few days since this guy left office. Look in mirror for the cause of your individual hardship. It all comes down to choices. Some of these bad decisions (a hook up with out a condom, a business contract that was too good to be true, having a drink, quitting your job before having another one, voting the community organizer into the oval office, etc.) have lasting effects years later. Speaking of kicking ourselves in the ass years later, who lowered the lending requirements in the first place? Google is your friend.

http://ebook.law.uiowa.edu/ebook/content/promoting-homeownership-us-rise-and-fall-fannie-mae-and-freddie-mac

Restoring my faith in humanity

I needed this... to see that "we" will do the right thing when given a choice.

Just for today, I'll remember the only thing I have control over is myself.

Then again, sometimes it takes an outside force to generate corrective action...

 

 

Which words make you the most uncomfortable?

Ocean Parkway

This is the Gilgo Beach section of Ocean Parkway. I drove up and down this road thousands of times going to the beach for recreation as well as to and from work for a few years. Look at where the water is now. The dunes are gone. Why bother trying to rebuild the road? It will take years to dredge up enough sand for the miles of beach that were washed away. It's almost beyond comprehension the amount of time and effort it's going to take to rebuild the shore lines.

I post all these pictures because it's important to me that those who were merely inconvenienced understand how devastating the storm surge was. Again, like with the gas issue, get in the car and drive. Go take a look at what has happened. It will break your heart. Wind damage is very destructive, but the rising water and crushing waves wiped out everything that the families on the coast owned. I cried almost every time I watched the news the week of the storm. Aside from a few shingles and some aluminum trim, there was no damage to my little home. I feared returning to a tree through my roof and years of memories lost through the destruction of my things. I would have lost my mind.

Last weekend, my friend called me a DL baller... as in I have things, but I don't flaunt them. I may have some stuff, but almost all of it has a unique memory or two hundred behind it. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if those reminders were gone. Maybe that's why I don't throw out papers, notes, cards, and stuffed animals as often as some of you. I don't delete old e-mails and chats from friends and family. I haven't even upgraded one piece of furniture since the first apartment I lived in after leaving the sober house (even though I never liked some it). Maybe I'm going crazy, but the idea of losing the memories that go along with these material things really shakes me to the core. I think I might actually have gleaned a little understanding of how my Grandma felt when she finally emptied her house. How do you throw away a memory? Sniffle.

LIPA - There are 2 sides to every story

While LIPA's management may have dropped the ball you can't complain that the workers didn't do what they could during the storm:

 

Not everyone was at home drinking hot chocolate while watching the news. What would you have done if you were called out there to work during the storm?

 

Thank goodness

I'm testing the Blogger iPhone app for this post. The functionality is really limited. I guess it might be okay for a quick post, but I probably won't use it again.

The gas lines were such a chore this week ::rolls eyes:: This picture was taken just after midnight on Friday night / Saturday morning.

Just for Today - The Best Laid Plans

There’s an old saying we sometimes hear in our meetings: “If you want to make God laugh, make plans.” When we hear this we usually laugh, too, but there’s a nervous edge to our laughter. We wonder if all of our carefully laid plans are doomed to fail. If we’re planning a big event—a wedding, a return to school, or perhaps a career change—we begin to wonder if our plans are the same as our Higher Power’s plans. We are capable of working ourselves into such a frenzy of worry over this question that we refuse to make any plans at all.

But the simple fact is that we really don’t know whether our Higher Power’s plans for our lives are carved in stone or not. Most of us have opinions about fate and destiny but, whether we believe in such theories or not, we still have a responsibility to live our lives and make plans for the future. If we refuse to accept responsibility for our lives, we’re still making plans—plans for a shallow, boring existence.

What we make in recovery are plans, not results. We’ll never know whether the marriage, the education, or the new job is going to work out until we try it. We simply exercise our best judgment, check with our sponsor, pray, use all the information at hand, and make the most reasonable plans we can. For the rest, we trust in the loving care of the God of our understanding, knowing that we’ve acted responsibly.

P.S. The market was up 4 whole points today! What a come back.

Gas Rationing... sigh

I have access to 2 vehicles, each with a full tank of gas. While this may seem unusual, for these times, I believe that most people on Long Island would agree that the gas situation has been much better this week. I drove past 2 gas stations within the last 24 hours that had gas and no lines... believe it or not, there were even operational pumps with no cars in front of them at these stations. Psh! I know... it sounds far fetched, but it's the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God.

Anyway, from everything that I've seen on TV, read in the papers, and heard from people who live / work in NYC, it seems that the 5 Boroughs continue to have a gas crisis. This differs from the shortage that we have on LI. So what are these city folk to do? How should they deal with this crisis? Most have mocked the Mayor & Governor of this blue state for not adopting the odd / even day rationing that NJ Governor Christopher J. Christie so brilliantly enacted from the beginning. Well, kids... you want it? Now you got it.

I'm sure this will improve the situation in NYC, but LI has adopted the same rationing not to be left out. This "me too" reaction is not needed, on Long Island, for anyone who actually drives. I average more than 2,000 miles a month. I use a lot of gas. My V8 powered Jeep gets between 13.6 and 15.2 MPG. I have successfully purchased gas for my vehicle, and a second vehicle, at least once every 3 days since Hurricane Sandy with out having to wait on a line longer than 35 minutes. The shortest amount of time on line was 15-20 minutes. Remember, these wait times are for either vehicle!! There is no need to ration gas on Long Island. Get off your ass and out of your neighborhood. I promise you that you'll stumble upon gas with out having to wait in line for hours on end.

You don't need to "find" gas anymore. Last week was different than this week. Now that the stupid ethanol requirement has been lifted the supply chain is pushing gas to all corners out here. Speaking of the ethanol requirement... check this out... there isn't enough ethanol (corn or cellulose) to meet the requirements for the 180 billion gallons of gasoline consumed each year in the United States. Look it up yourself. Google is your friend. The government fines the producers of gasoline for not adding the required ethanol (even though there isn't enough of either kind available for all the gas) and subsidizes the ethanol producers and the corn farmers. Why? Because the price to produce ethanol isn't economical. Cellulose ethanol was supposed to save us... the EPA projected that over 100 million gallons of cellulose ethanol would be produced in 2011. How much was actually produced? 6.8 million gallons. Ethanol is a joke. Most gasoline doesn't contain 10% ethanol. That's why the sign says "up to." Take yo head out yo azz.

Finally... yeah, keep telling yourself it's a coincidence boys and girls. Forward! As in we're racing towards the number 1 instead of 20,000. Thanks, B. You're the man!

That might be my last rant about B-rock... the Bro-bama... unless the market goes down again tomorrow ;)

Yall are just so silly and ya don't even know it

Joo Foolz!!

Obama is re-elected. There is a freak snow storm in a Hurricane damaged area that supported B-rock Bro-bama. The stock market drops 313 points. Coincidence? I think the Mayans are just saying, "We told you so."

 

And he's angry?! This mother fucker doesn't know angry yet, son 

 

That's an angry man! #hookedonphonics ya herd?!

Power!! WooHoo

And the Lord said...

Let there be light!!!

Too soon?

If so then here's something most of us can laugh at...

I know... I know... besides being "healthy" the green leafy things
also make oxygen for us to breath. Then again, if that part is so
important, why are you eating more of them than the rest of us!

90210... OOOOH MY GOD

Hurricane preparations done properly.

I am now infatuated with this website:
Some Day Over The Rainbow

Rockaway Boardwalk

My friend works for the GSA and they are working in conjunction with FEMA assessing damage and allocating resources. Here are a few pictures that he took of Rockaway Beach in Queens.

Mother Nature is no joke. Real talk.

Hood Games

A few of us got together to watch the Giants play the Steelers. The Giants lost the game, but we had a good time none the less. There are always a few moments of hilarity, but the most memorable this week was the topic of Michael Vick. I think he's an asshole for being involved with the dog fighting ring. Others felt differently. The central issue was whether he should be at fault for trying to help a family member make some money. I say, open a dry cleaner or something. Others say it's just black people doing what they know... I'm serious... Here's the direct quote,

"Look man, you can't fault black people for doing what we know. Dog fighting is normal down south. These are hood games."

::blink blink::

"WHHHHHHAAAAATTTTT?!! What the fuck are hood games, brooo?!?... RFLMFAO... gasp... Are you trying to say that... gasp... the knife fight... gasp... at the end of the Michael Jackson bad video... gasp... was ghetto fencing?!!... gasp... What other fucking sports are part of the Ghetto Olympics?!"

::EDIT--  I forgot the following  --EDIT::

"I dunno... dice"

"DICE????!!!!!!!!"

We all laughed until tears rolled down our cheeks. I never did get an answer. Maybe next week.

For those too young to remember, it starts around 3:00 in

Roughing it

After driving around last night for an hour and a few dozen phone calls this morning, I have completely given up on securing a pampering in any area hotel this weekend. Rather than share a space with someone I decided to head out on my own... I'll be roughing it from here on out:

The first thing I did was secure shelter and set up my sleeping bag.

Next I gathered water from the local spring.

Then I safely lit a fire and settled in to have some breakfast.

Now I can just kick back and enjoy the scenery.

I think I like camping after all!!

Gas Lines?!!!!

 In anticipation of extended power outages I had been filling up my truck at every opportunity. Once it was clear that the main roads in my area had power restored, I stopped buying gas. There had been talk of a supply problem, but I assumed that it would have worked itself out by now. Free markets tend to put the supply where the demand is needed. Yesterday the evidence of how real the gasoline supply issue is was thrown in my face. I drove past 8 gas stations on my way home from work around 7PM. Only 1 of the stations had fuel. A second station, a Hess on the corner of the Eastern Service Road for 495 and Route 83, had a fuel truck filling up it's tanks. The State Police were there and the line was already 50 cars long and growing. I decided to forgo waiting at the Hess, check a few more stations in the area, and go home to see if power had been restored. This is what I found instead (please excuse the Howard Stern show in the background, my phone stopped playing music through the car's stereo when I started to record video):

 

The above video shows lines at a gas station on Middle Country Rd around 8PM last night. The line was longer than that at the Hess station I passed earlier so I grabbed a slice of pizza and went home to eat in the dark. After my candlelight dinner, I read for a bit and went to bed early so I could wake up around 2AM to look for gas... no sane person is out hunting for gas at 2AM right?... My first stop was the aforementioned Hess station.... Wow.

 

My hand slipped and I stopped the video prematurely, but there were 70+ cars lined up along the service road, plus the cars on 83, plus the cars in the station... at 2AM!! Needless to say, I didn't stop here for gas. I found another Hess station on 347 with around 20 cars waiting. I was back in bed by 4AM. Good times!

Going on Day 5 with out power at home. It's slightly over 50 degrees in the condo. My patience is running thin. I haven't stayed in a hotel yet, but I packed a bag this morning. I have the money to stay in a hotel and if the power isn't on tonight I'll be checking in somewhere for the weekend. I sincerely appreciate the offers from people, including my sister (she woke up to power this morning), who have offered me a couch or a spare bedroom. For this weekend, I'm going to pass on these invites and enjoy room service, turn down service, and housekeeping instead.

:: EDIT:: 

Seems silly, but not everyone knows about this site yet:  http://www.hessexpress.com/Home

It takes awhile to load, but it's worth it if you're hunting for a gas station.

Just like a night at the diner

Bouncing around and stumbled across this from Failbook. I can only imagine what kind of hilarity this would ensue if it came up one night at the diner:

Birth control pills should probably be made for men. Doesn't it make more sense to unload the gun then shoot it at a bullet proof vest? Real talk. - Unknown

 

Then again, it's way more fun to watch someone wearing a vest get hit with bullets ;) Yeah porn! Hang loose dude... YOLO!