Take a guess

In the last 5 days, 3 major things have happened:
Panthea told me that she wanted to date other people so we broke up
I celebrated my anniversary
The Giants won the Super Bowl

Guess which one is occupying my mind...

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Friday and Saturday were an emotional roller coaster and I was having a pretty weird day on Sunday so I decided to stay home for the game. I was talking to someone at halftime and they asked me if I told God that I was in pain? I hadn't. I was asking for the strength and courage to turn the situation over to His care, but I do that with most things. They said trying to turn it over was all well and good, but what I was asking for was different than what I needed at that moment. Each day I was leaving something out. This may seem like common sense, but I needed some relief from the confusion and the heart ache. I prayed for that before I went to bed. I eventually went to sleep and when I woke up I felt better. I also had some empathy for how difficult last August must have been for Panthea.

These are miracles. Not parting the Red Sea stuff, but a relief from pain caused by fear is such a blessing that I actually cried on the way to work. It may seem a bit like pussy behavior, but man when you're locked in those feelings a reprieve is truly God sent. I don't want to lose her. I don't want to live my life with out her. Those feelings are still there, but what has been lifted is the fear, the dread, and the overwhelming anxiety of the unknown. I may never understand why she made her choice on that day, but I don't have to understand it to accept that it's what she wants. I don't know if I'm well enough to see that beautiful smile and not want to hold her face and kiss her. I don't think that I'll ever be well enough to not physically react like a 13 year old boy when she gives me a big hug so "just friends" seems unlikely. Instead of trying to predict or affect the future I'll just hang tight where I am in life... which is what I'm supposed to do anyway. Duh.