It gets better?

Last night my friend Mike tried to harm himself by swallowing a bottle of Lamictal in my bathroom. At some point he was outside smoking a cigarette and collapsed while he was crying on the phone with his sister. I got him into my truck and drove him to the emergency room. Long story short, he's physically okay now and will transferred to a psychiatric hospital tomorrow.

WTF, man!

It's an obvious cry for help. He could have done this at home and just died. Instead he took a cab to my house an hour or so before he collapsed. He collapsed on the lawn in the backyard instead of on the patio where he could have hurt himself. He helped me get himself(?) into the car rather than wait for an ambulance... which potentially would have allowed him to metabolize more of the meds and cause real harm. This was staged. By calling his sister at the time of his collapse his whole family would know he was trying to hurt himself and come to the hospital. On the way to the hospital he asked me to let his ex-girlfriend know that he's sorry and that she is the love of his life. The more I think about this the weirder and more obvious it gets.

I've done things for attention, but this takes the cake. I have paid his rent, his phone bill, bought him groceries, cigarettes, etc. I care about this guy. I thought he was going to die. He played me like a fiddle and now I feel like an extra in an elaborate play.

I'm glad he isn't dead. I'm glad I have tried to be a good friend to him. For my own sake, I've got to separate myself from this insanity. I've had enough. God has given me so many blessings. I thought helping Mike was God's will for me. A way to spread his light. More often than not, I am the person God wants me to be. This reminds me that my life's bullshit is a drop in the bucket compared to the the pain some people have running around in their heads and their hearts. I'm grateful that Mike's life is not my life. Part of Mike's life is due to his choices. Terribly poor choices.

It's not all Mike's fault. The system has failed him. He has no education. He was expelled in 8th or 9th grade and spent the rest of his teens in therapeutic communities and institutions like that. As an adult if he works on the books enough to sustain himself then he loses his health benefits. If he were born with a physical impairment then there would be assistance for him. Partially blind or missing a hand? There are programs for that. Mentally ill? You're shit out of luck. Hopefully I'm wrong. I'm sure there are administrators at the psych hospital who know the system. Hopefully they can get him into programs. I hope someday he's stable enough to find peace.

It's 7PM. I'm going home. For now I'm going to have to love him from a distance.