Worst diet ever

Diverticulitis for weight loss: 2 out of 10

I do not recommend using diverticulitis for weight loss. It's effectiveness is not in question. You will lose weight. Unfortunately, you will also be hospitalized, have pain, and be forced to deal with a limited menu upon your release. While most weight loss plans have a limited menu, diverticulitis is even more limiting than most. Images - click here - not for the faint of heart

Days 1-6: You will be hospitalized. You will be in pain. Real pain, not ibuprofen pain. They will give you opiates. You will gladly accept them. You will not want to eat or drink anything which is good because you will not be allowed to anyway. You will be started on an IV drip of approximately 1 gallon of fluids and a half dozen antibiotics per day. At around day 4 or 5 you will want water, ice chips, something to wet your mouth and throat. You will be denied these things. Friends and family will visit often and offer to bring you contraband such as food and vape stuff. You decline the food and happily vape on the low. You will be caught vaping by the nurses. They will not narc.

Days 7 and 8: You will remain hospitalized. You will no longer need pain killers. You will feel as though you were in a fight a few days ago. You will ache. You will now be allowed ice chips and clear liquids. You will be surprised that you're still pooping out stuff here and there even though you have not consumed any solids for a week. You might give your number to a cute RN named Sara.

Day 9: You will be released from the hospital with scripts for antibiotics. You will be instructed to limit your diet to liquids and low residue foods. You will be warned to drink lots of water. You will not want to be constipated. You will look forward to bananas and scrambled eggs. You will immediately go eat 4 scrambled eggs and 3 pieces of white toast. Hours later you will realize that this was a mistake. The pain will return. You will consider going back to the hospital. You will shit blood. You will call the doctor. You will be reminded of the dietary restrictions and cautioned to eat light. You will shit again. There will be no blood. You will relax a bit. You decide to make a food schedule.

Day 10-16: Your diet will drastically change. You will drink about one gallon of water per day. You will also start consuming meal replacement shakes. I recommend lean body over muscle milk. The only flavor that I look forward to is chocolate ::edit - and cookies n cream - edit::. You will have one for breakfast around 8AM and one for lunch around 1PM. You will have a banana around 10AM and a second around 3PM. You will attempt to eat dinner between 6PM and 8PM. It will consist of half an egg sandwich or a turkey and white american cheese sandwich. They will be on toasted white bread. You will not eat a roll. You will attempt to eat the whole sandwich a few times and regret it hours later. You will stop doing this. In a pinch you will eat a cheeseburger from mcdonalds without onions or pickles. You will not drink soda. Sometimes you will have the noodles and broth from soup. You might hang out with Sara and learn that she likes anime and has lots of converse. You will laugh and it will ache, but it's okay.

At the end of 16 days you will notice that your taste for things has changed. You will notice salt in foods. You will crave certain flavors, but not eat things like fettuccine alfredo because you will fear feeling full. You will vape a lot. You will lose almost 15% of your body weight.