Trust your struggle

There is a lot going on right now. I'm sick so that isn't helping. I've taken a break from certain parts of my life to focus on others. Not so much a break than as in not putting much effort into things. I often wonder how people do it "all." Then I realize that no one does it all. What they do well is what they put their effort into. The rest of their lives aren't the same as mine. Our lives are unique in certain respects. I have a business to run, customers to cater to, meetings to attend, phone calls to return, stuff to buy, a fish to keep alive, employees to coddle, parents to keep an eye on, a lovely young woman in my life to build a relationship with, relationship articles to read, a house to buy, a car stereo system to tweak (well, more like fix now),low carbing to get back to, running to begin again (last time I ran I was not feeling well), step work to continue, praying to do, thanks to give, relationships to mend, integrity to prove... the list is actually much longer, but you get the idea. No one can do all of this well, but we should try to anyway. I think we always suffer when we look back on the opportunities that slipped past without taking a shot.

 Panthea and I went away this weekend (long weekend Thursday - Sunday). Overall we had a great time. I was sick when we left and got progressively worse. By Saturday afternoon all I wanted to do was sleep and try to IV OTC cold medicine. If I was home, I would have drank soup and bought every cold and flu drug known to man. We were away so I did my best not to ruin the weekend. Why? Why couldn't I just say that I really felt sick and didn't want to do anything? Was it the money we spent on the place? Was it the limited time we had together? Was it fear of disappointing her? I don't know. She didn't offer to just chill so there had to be some expectations. Then again, I wasn't puking or anything. I really didn't know what I was supposed to do. A piece of me was happy that we got out and saw the sites and another piece of me is upset about it. I went to work today and all I heard was, "You look like crap", "You should go home and rest", blah blah blah. I didn't stay home today because I've had 3 day weeks the last 2 weeks in a row! Not much of an example to the kids when it seems like I take off whenever I want. Anyway, the point is that I'm sick and I'm forced to step up now. This isn't just about me. I have obligations: to LP and the people who work for me as well as myself. Nothing good happens... yes, read that again... nothing GOOD happens when I let life pass by on it's own accord and choose the path of least resistance. Next time, if I feel this sick, I'll open my mouth, stay on the couch, hand her my car keys, and tell her to have a good afternoon exploring if I'm not up to it... I might stay home from work when I'm sick too, but I will not just throw in the towel and stop trying because everything isn't perfect. I will truly believe that what exists is temporary. In a good way and a bad way. If I stop putting in the effort at work our sales will slump and if I don't get off the couch when I'm in a new place I just might miss something really fun. Our lives are a journey. The end is death. Everyday is a new chapter. We experience these events and grow... and laugh and love and earn a new appreciation for the freedoms these opportunities allow to us. Well, that's it. No grand finale - I'm going to home to rest lol