I miss you, Panthea.
Regardless of what was official in your mind we were / are in a
relationship. I love being together with you. I love
wearing your ring… knowing that I’m going to see you at the end of the day… holding
your hand when you step off a curb… snuggling on the couch cuz you fit
perfectly into the crook of my arm.
You’re in Manhattan now. I can’t drive over for a hug on my
way home from a meeting or have dinner with you multiple times per week. I miss
our time together. I go through the motions during the week: at work, attending
meetings, having dinner with friends, etc (see below for a recent example) That’s
all fine, but it doesn’t compare to time spent with you, baby.
 |
In May I spoke to you about not being a summer fling. I explained to you that I didn’t want that with you or for us. I wanted a relationship that had a chance to go somewhere. I told you that I loved you. I know you don’t say it back anymore so I’ve kept my feelings bottled up for over a year. I asked you if you wanted to be with me and try to make us work and you said yes. I didn’t question that you weren't telling your parents about us. However you wanted to handle that was fine with me as long as I got to hear that little voice and be wrapped up in your hugs.
I don’t understand what has happened. We haven’t seen each
other or spoken in 2 weeks. The idea of losing you for a 3rd time has me
nauseous. The first time was because I cheated, the second time was because you were still hurt, but this time is out of nowhere. We didn’t have a blow-up. There was no incident. I’m left to wonder
why you won’t answer my calls or my text messages. Baby, what’s going on? Are you seeing someone
else? That’s a huge decision to make and I hope you’re taking it seriously.
I love you, Pon. I’ve loved you since before I ever saw
your face. I thought our relationship had matured these past few months… more independence
for each of us with enough time together to nurture our hearts. From now until the end of time, I want to be
with you, Panthea. If you've moved on again, then please tell me.
