Insert Higher Power

After the craziness (more like insanity) of the last 

24 hours, all I can say is...

That's all. Carry on. The meeting starts at 8 lololol

Ah-ha moment

 

This morning one of the guys in the office wasn't in (cough* Dan) so I was entering the orders into our system. After an hour or so this gets to be monotonous so I put on Pandora in the background while plowing through the data entry. At some point this song came on and stopped me cold. The lyrics are damn good, but his voice is sooo dreamy. Swoon ;)

Yesterday I was a bundle of nerves. Anxiety like whoa... skin crawling feeling... not pleasant at all. I walked out of the meeting after the speaker and spent time chatting with addicts out in front late into the night. It was about being social for the most part. Just a distraction so I could focus on something other than being uncomfortable. After everyone else had left, I was standing with Black Mike ("Are you serious?!?!") and we got into a God talk. We shared a lot with each other and it made me think about prayer. Everyone has specific things in their heart. Lately, I've been consumed with family and trying to grow my business. Both have taken a toll on me emotionally. I've lost focus on my conscious contact with God, because I haven't prayed in many weeks. Mike and I said our goodbyes and by the time I got home my mind was a jumble so I turned on the TV for another distraction. The anxiety was back and I was really uncomfortable. I paused the show I was watching, just looked up at the ceiling and said, "Please give me peace." I didn't need to go into specifics because I had faith that God knows what's in my heart. About 30 minutes later I realized that the tightness everywhere was gone and that I was okay for the first time in days. That's some powerful stuff there, kids. It's not a coincidence.

Another love letter

I miss you, Panthea.

Regardless of what was official in your mind we were / are in a relationship. I love being together with you. I love wearing your ring… knowing that I’m going to see you at the end of the day… holding your hand when you step off a curb… snuggling on the couch cuz you fit perfectly into the crook of my arm.

You’re in Manhattan now. I can’t drive over for a hug on my way home from a meeting or have dinner with you multiple times per week. I miss our time together. I go through the motions during the week: at work, attending meetings, having dinner with friends, etc (see below for a recent example) That’s all fine, but it doesn’t compare to time spent with you, baby.

In May I spoke to you about not being a summer fling. I explained to you that I didn’t want that with you or for us. I wanted a relationship that had a chance to go somewhere. I told you that I loved you. I know you don’t say it back anymore so I’ve kept my feelings bottled up for over a year. I asked you if you wanted to be with me and try to make us work and you said yes. I didn’t question that you weren't telling your parents about us. However you wanted to handle that was fine with me as long as I got to hear that little voice and be wrapped up in your hugs.

I don’t understand what has happened. We haven’t seen each other or spoken in 2 weeks. The idea of losing you for a 3rd time has me nauseous. The first time was because I cheated, the second time was because you were still hurt, but this time is out of nowhere. We didn’t have a blow-up. There was no incident. I’m left to wonder why you won’t answer my calls or my text messages.  Baby, what’s going on? Are you seeing someone else? That’s a huge decision to make and I hope you’re taking it seriously. 

I love you, Pon. I’ve loved you since before I ever saw your face. I thought our relationship had matured these past few months… more independence for each of us with enough time together to nurture our hearts. From now until the end of time, I want to be with you, Panthea. If you've moved on again, then please tell me.

Family fun

Kids are great... from a distance :)

I never understood the purpose of the cup that's included with certain
brands of mouthwash. If you're single then you could just take a swig
out of the bottle. If it's a family and everyone is using the single cup
that's provided then they all might as well drink from the bottle anyway.