Friends. Romans. Countrymen.

If anyone of you know a single woman under 140 pounds that could accomplish this then please pass along my phone number and any cock pics I've sent you through the years :)

The real super bowl

So it's the Monday after the big game and my phone is blowing up with references about how much time my friends have spent in the bathroom so far today. I will not share the images with you here, but I will say that they invoke phantom smells. At the office, the parade to and from the bathroom is unrivaled. No one called out sick today (despite the snow), but the odors wafting from the bathroom into the hall make me wish some of my employees hadn't come to work.

I didn't overeat yesterday and I take daily probiotics... Did this prevent me from suffering the same fate as my brethren? Nope. The few pieces of cheese quesadilla (with salsa and sour cream), half dozen chicken wings (with blue cheese), and slice of meat stuffed pizza came bubblin' out this morning over multiple sessions. Not good. Although, to be fair the salsa had jalepenos as well as tomato seeds and the pizza had sesame seeds all over the top crust so my intestines may be rebelling out of sheer spite.

On a similar belly bombing note, Chipotle closed all their stores today in an act that will hopefully reassure stock holders and burrito lovers. Chipotle stock has also literally taken a shit of late due to their trying to kill patrons on the east and west coast by giving them e coli. To make up for the store closings they are giving away a code for a free burrito if you text them before 6PM today. Here's the link: https://www.chipotle.com/raincheck Yeah! Free food. Is this awesome or is Chipotle really a branch of ISIS trying to take us down? #trumplife4life

What's your plan of attack?

“Sometimes when we pray, a remarkable thing happens:  We find the means, ways, and energies to perform tasks far beyond our capacities.”

Basic Text, p. 46

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Coping successfully with life’s minor annoyances and frustrations is sometimes the most difficult skill we have to learn in recovery.  We are faced with small inconveniences daily.  From untangling the knots in our children’s shoelaces to standing in line at the market, our days are filled with minor difficulties that we must somehow deal with.

If we’re not careful, we may find ourselves dealing with these difficulties by bullying our way through each problem or grinding our teeth while giving ourselves a stern lecture about how we should handle them.  These are extreme examples of poor coping skills, but even if we’re not this bad, there’s probably room for improvement.

Each time life presents us with another little setback to our daily plans, we can simply take a deep breath and talk to the God of our understanding.  Knowing we can draw patience, tolerance, or whatever we need from that Power, we find ourselves coping better and smiling more often.

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Just for today:  I will take a deep breath and talk to my God whenever I feel frustrated.

Nothing is perfect. A lack of perfection doesn't mean something is bad. A lack of perfection does not preclude a situation or a person from being awesome. With that said, should we just accept things as they are or should we push to make them better? Can we accept something with satisfaction and yet still try to improve upon it? I guess it depends...

I mean, if you're cooking is the food every really perfect? It can taste damn good, but there is usually something about it that you'd like to improve on... a touch of salt, a bit less well done... perhaps more cheese! At the gym, there is always someone with more endurance or who can do more reps. So although we're not at the pinnacle of our respective mountains in any single thing should this diminish where we are?

Well, for me anyway, the answer is sometimes yes and sometimes no. I think goal setting is important. Taking satisfaction in something is much easier to do when I'm not wishy washy about the outcome. If I want to run a distance at a given pace and I accomplish that then it's a win. Yet, if I decide that tonight I'm going to run the fastest 3 miles I possibly can and then I compare my times against my friends, who run half marathons... well then I'm an idiot. I'm going to be disappointed in spite of possibly running a personal best. Having a fixed goal allows me to see if I'm improving. There is no gray area.

Are you improving? If so then enjoy it. Be thankful. Keep praying. I urge you to be the most bad ass motherfucker you can be today. Congratulations! Pat yourself on the back. Have an iced coffee with extra splenda. Now, improve on that tomorrow and be even more awesome. In the immortal words of Snoop Dogg to Lil Dicky, "This shit is aight for your first shit, but you don't know if it's your worst shit." Keep going. Get it? Good.

I tried to embed the video, but it's not working properly so click the link to watch the video. Its worth it: https://youtu.be/LlU4FuIJT2k