Alive

“When we stop living in the here and now, our problems become magnified unreasonably.”

Basic Text, p. 99

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“Just for today”—it’s a comforting thought.  If we try to live in the past, we may find ourselves torn by painful, disquieting memories.  The lessons of our using are not the teachers we seek for recovery.  Living in tomorrow means moving in with fear.  We cannot see the shape of the secret future, and uncertainty brings worry.  Our lives look overwhelming when we lose the focus of today.

Living in the moment offers freedom.  In this moment, we know that we are safe.  We are not using, and we have everything we need.  What’s more, life is happening in the here and now.  The past is gone and the future has yet to arrive; our worrying won’t change any of it.  Today, we can enjoy our recovery, this very minute.

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Just for today:  I will stay in the here and now.  Today—this moment—I am free.

Sometimes the feeling only lasts a few minutes and at others the feeling can last for a day or two. Regardless of how long it lasts for me or you, try not to forget how amazing it is to feel this way.

We are free.

We are loved.

We are happy.

We are content.

... in these moments... when it's 70 degrees out and 88 degrees in the pool hah

Obama, The Pope, and Pearl Jam...

 

No, silly rabbit. The title is not the beginning of a joke. They are all in NYC over the next few days. God save those who commute from the burbs during the work week. I'm told that anything around the UN including the 1st Ave AND the FDR is banned from vehicular traffic. Get your walking shoes on folks.

The Pope had some interesting things to say this afternoon. I'm fully aware that everyone doesn't agree with everything the guy had to say. If you read the linked transcript you'll see that he doesn't claim to know how to accomplish everything he proposed, but I really like the theme of not giving up. He says that these are difficult times and the resolutions to our problems are going to be complex, but he encourages us not to give up and continue trying. I really like that. Nice job, Frank.

I'm going to the Global Citizens Festival on Saturday... mainly for Pearl Jam, but the others should be okay too ;) I hope Jay Z comes out while Beyonce is doing her set. I doubt that's going to happen, but I can dream. Coldplay and Big Ed are a mixed bag for me. If I get a good night's sleep Friday then I'll enjoy them. If not a lot of their music is going to make me want to take a nap. I haven't seen Pearl Jam since July, 2003. That was a really good show: Once, Dissident, Corduroy, Present Tense, Given To Fly, Porch, Daughter, Alive, Hunger Strike, and Yellow Ledbetter. I hope to hear Black and Garden this time around... they can throw in Oceans, Deep, and Release too :) Oh and I also get to listen to celebrities educate me about what I should to doing to resolve global poverty. Meh

::insert pearl jam video at some point::  

 

So things started well...

Friday night I went to see a band named Helmet with some peeps. Helmet was a pretty popular "metal" band in the 90s. Not metal like Metallica. More like Fugazzi. It was interesting to learn that only the lead singer is an original member. Apparently their only area shows were on LI and somewhere in NJ which explains why this place was packed out. The show was great. The guys played tight so the songs were pretty spot on. Drummer and bassist were amazing. During the break I went to the bar to get a round of drinks (mostly waters hah) and someone calls my name. I turn around and it's 2 guys I haven't seen in 10+ years. They are step brothers. One of them looks great and the other one is pretty banged up. We chat for a while and all the banged up brother does is talk about the past. I felt bad for him. He moved to AZ and sold drugs for awhile. Got locked up a few times and now he's back in NY. Supposedly there is a National Geographic documentary about him and his friends called "Raving Arizona." I haven't watched it yet. We talk about the rest of the group... some have died, some are in jail, others are MIA. Eventually the music starts again, we ask a random to take a picture of us, and I head back to my group. Banged up brother heads back to the bar. Glad that's not my life anymore. The second half of the show had a few songs that I didn't know so we spent some time people watching the 300-400 that had gathered in the place. This was an eclectic group of characters. Some were stuck in the grunge 90's with flannels tied around their waist and jean jackets. There were lots of bearded folk with black rimmed glasses and tats as well as a few pin up girls in polka dot dresses. Lots of bald heads hah and a few who had gone gray. Most were around my age although there were a few groups of teenagers (it was an 18+ show). Regardless it seemed like at least half the crowd actually knew the songs and sung along (which I love). I'm really glad we went.

Saturday was spent lounging around the house. I had some people over and we went in the pool. This may have been the last weekend with 80 degree weather this year booo. Saturday night was Addicts in Adventureland! Games, bumper cars and yoga pants galore! There were also a lot of strollers hah. Adam and John with kids in tow. It was a sight to behold. To top it all off Rob is back from California so afterwards we went for food and spent time catching up. I got home around 4 in the morning and was riding a pink cloud. Then I made the mistake that ruined my night.

I went on Facebook to look at the Adventureland pictures that people had posted of the night and at some point I searched for my ex. Believe me when I tell you that, for my own sanity, I try not to do this more than once every two weeks. My cheating, the first break up, the next few go arounds, and the very end are all in previous posts if you just stumbled upon this and are looking for background info. Anyway she put up a new picture. She looks happy. At first I think, "Good for her. So am I"... and then I saw the ring. She's wearing a diamond ring. I almost threw up in my bed. My stomach went crazy and I spent the next 2 hours in the bathroom. Meh. I finally fell asleep only to wake up early having to repeat the process. Sunday was literally a shit show! I was exhausted from a lack of sleep and I didn't eat a thing all day. Thankfully I spent time with a friend that afternoon and she cheered me up. After she left I planned to go to bed early, but John came over around 9 to pick up juice. Shortly thereafter Robby showed up. (I'm not sure how I feel about these unannounced visitors hah). Since they were both there I told them what I did and how it affected me. They could relate. Apparently I'm not the only one who has done this with ill effects. I don't really know why I do it. It makes no sense to do it. Anyway, I guess one of us had to get engaged eventually. I'm actually really surprised that it happened so soon. I would have preferred it was me first hah, but I'm happy for her.

My belly still isn't right today, but I am able to smile. Thank God for the people in my life. All I have to do is remember the guy I ran into at the show on Friday. He reminds me that my life doesn't have to be this good. I'm grateful that it is... most of the time. Sigh.

He's gone too far

I can't believe that they wouldn't combine the shipping considering I bought all 3 :(

Oh Donald. You've gone too far this time!

Flowers?!

Flowers? Drapes? Bushes? Curtains? Trees? Blinds?

No way! Who needs 'em?!!

Ok, maybe a few pull down shades.

The home stretch

I spent my first 2 weeks in the new house. There are still a ton of small things to do, but 90% of the mess is out of the way. It's interesting being in a new place. Everything is a new routine. There is also a lot more walking to do if you accidentally leave something somewhere. TVs and surround sound in and out make it fun. I've gone in the pool everyday that it wasn't raining since I've been staying here. I love it.

Some observations:

The inside of my house is as empty as the scene in the movie boiler room when they are watching the movie Wall Street.

Houses make noise. These are new noises (to me). I'm not used to them and some of them bugged me out the first night. What is that humming? What was that click / creak?

Everything can not stay new and perfect forever. If I scuff or smudge the hardwood floor I find myself grabbing windex and paper towels.

The range top will not work unless you remember to turn the gas valve back on. Also, be aware that air will need to purge from the line before anything can light. Do not fear the delay. Use your nose to check for gas smells.

The oven in newer ranges do not have pilot lights. The internet isn't very helpful in letting you know this. You might spend 45 minutes googling something unnecessarily.... :/

People are dirty. I had family over Sunday and friends over on Monday. I was swiffering the floors like every 2 hours and changing garbage bags every 20 - 30 minutes. I have 3 huge garbage cans and they couldn't fit all the bags.

With that said, paper plates and plastic cups / utensils are your friend when hosting larger groups.

There are a lot of windows to clean and doing the outside of second floor windows seems like it's going to a problem. I mean, how do people accomplish this? I'll have to google a solution hah

4 bathrooms require a lot of toilet paper. I need to keep checking them to make sure none have run out. It's kind of gross when you think about it meh

Swiffers are over rated. Standard, wet dry, and wet jet... If you try to go cross grain on wood floors its a failure. I may have to get an actual wet mop sort of deal. Booooo

I will need a vacuum. It's inevitable. You can't sweep bedroom carpets.

An 88 degree pool is delicious. I highly recommend it. Just walk right in :)

Having 2 refrigerators is the way to go.

Having a new mattress is heaven.

Always 4 pillows on a bed.

G-raf is happy in his new crib. I prefer the outside portion.

Refrigerator magnets do not work on appliances that are actually stainless steel :(

::EDIT:: I started writing this post a few days ago. Since today is 9/11 I thought it would be appropriate to post a few things in remembrance of what happened in 2011::

Chase the rainbow: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/09/10/photos-rainbow-appears-world-trade-center-eve-911-anniversary/72043352/

Don't forget to smile.