I may speak on this on some point in the future in my own words. Until then I offer this:
"Past trauma need not rule my present and future...
This disease is traumatizing. It is shocking. It takes away my sense of normal. It makes people I love unpredictable and scary. It undermines my trust and faith in an orderly and predictable world and in my primary relationships and even in myself. Sometimes the earth beneath me can feel unsolid, shaky, and unreliable. And when I feel like this, I want to hold on tighter, to control, to fix and pin things down so I won't have to feel this way anymore. Today I will accept these feelings as natural, and I will breathe through them and give them space to move through me, knowing that there is a new kind of solidity growing daily within me. The power of presence is enough." - from In The Rooms daily meditation
One day at time love will get me through this. The love of my family, friends, a God of my understanding, and the love I shared with my mom will carry me to a place of acceptance. In the end, I have no other choice if I want to "live" rather than just "exist."
