Congratulations, LP!

It's official. LP got her master's degree. Woop woop!

So proud of you, baby. Thank you for letting me share the experience with you.

I listen, but do I learn

So many things have come up to light the last few months that it's difficult to keep track. The parallel between NA meetings and the online course that I'm taking about healing my relationship with LP is amazing. Step work and course work both lay out a path for a new way to live. As I learn more about others in these programs I see them struggling with situations that are identical to those laid out in the work. I see them struggle and most fail... then again failure is usually the more obvious than success and as human beings we tend to fret over what we're having trouble with rather than focus on our successes. As I see these people struggle and stumble I wonder if I do the same. I try to speak out and give encouragement and direction, but am I capable of taking my own advice. I think I've been doing a better job of this lately. I'm grateful for the new experiences that have been opening up my awareness to the way I deal with life. I hope to improve and and create a lasting change in how I react in uncomfortable situations. I've been listening for a long time. I would like to constantly apply this information day to day. It's time to grow. I really want a new way to live.

Je t'aime, mon coeur.

Commitment

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." Josh Billings

Do one thing at a time.The journey begins with the first step: first things first. Many statements support the conviction that achievement and success come from a solid commitment, staying focused. In recovery from addiction many people have been helped by a 12-step program.And it is emphasized that you do the program one step at a time, following the order in which the steps are written! The enemy of the Say Yes to Your Spirit philosophy is chaos-doing things higgledy-piggledy, not being focused. Staying with the analogy of dance, it's important to know the steps and suggested glides. Otherwise you and your partner can find yourselves in a horrible heap on the floor. Nasty!

 Nasty?! I dunno about that. I wouldn't mind being in a heap on the floor with, LP :)

You're suspect

The world is a strange place.

I've gotten phone calls from a blocked number that turned out to be a woman I haven't spoken to in months. This turned my love's heart into knots. I'm still not very good at helping PB heal although I wish I was.

My friend Rob called me at work from his ex-girlfriend's phone. It's obvious to me that he's using. I've asked him outright, but he denies it. It's obvious, bro. We all know.

My friend Dave, who is actively using, has been texting me from random numbers asking for money.

I wanted to buy AMD in January... my friend who invests other people's money for a living told me it's a bad idea. I think it's up like 60%. Sigh

I wanted to buy AAMC in January... my father advised me against it. There's only 400,000 outstanding shares. You'll never sell it if it goes down. Blah, blah, blah... it's up over 100% since then.

You're all suspect!

Anyway, how could "we" know what to do and still not follow through. Don't cheat. Don't use. Do what you think is right! I don't know why we refuse to follow through on the information we're given when it's right in front of our faces. Time doesn't heal all wounds. My little PB will never forget the tears and the pain. She may love me in spite of the past pain, but it will never cease being a part of her life. I will never get back the time I lost being a part of her life and she mine. My friends will never get back the time they are throwing away by using... they could also die (just in case anyone forgot that addicts die from using). I will never get back the returns I could have realized if I'd gone ahead with my gut.... which is getting bigger. I must start running again. Maybe I'll go home and walk / jog tonight. I don't know what my friggin problem is with exercising again...

The end :(