Dear Amazon... go fuck yourself

I rented a movie today. The name of the movie was, "I Am Legend." I originally saw this movie as a bootleg while it was in theaters. I had a flawless copy known as a "screener." I haven't seen it again since back then, but I've wanted to so when the opportunity presented itself I was all for it. This time I streamed it through Amazon's on demand service. The quality was fine. I got caught up in the memories surrounding the 1st time I saw the film. It was actually right around this time of the year.

With out a long tale that pulls on my heart strings (again.. like during the damn movie), lets just say that I lost track at certain points during the film this time. With about 20 minutes to go, I refocused and found myself watching scenes that I didn't remember. The end of the movie was completely different than the version I had originally seen... WTF is that about? Was my "screener" actually an earlier cut that was different than what made it to the big screen?! Have I spend the last 5 years, thinking the movie ended one way but in actuality it ended differently?!?! It was driving me crazy. I googled everything I could find about the movie and it turns out that the DVD has 2 versions on one disc: the theatrical version and the one with the alternate ending.

Amazon on demand didn't give me an option to watch one or the other. They stream the alternate ending only. Really? Why is that? There's no mention of this alternate ending in the description. How many of the other 50 or 60 movies I've streamed from them have the alternate ending? Think about it. Imagine all the TV you've watched over the last year and not knowing if the version you've seen is what everyone else knows it to be... it's ridiculous. This has nothing to do with money, it's false advertising. If what they're showing isn't the original then they had better make it obvious. The alternate ending of "I Am Legend" was terrible. Suppose other alternate endings were equally as bad. The end of the movie does a lot in forming your opinion. Suppose these alternate endings all suck. How many movies have I not liked because of these alternate endings? What do I do now? Take surveys with my friends about movie endings... spend hours googling movie plots... ? Grrr!!!!! I hate you, Amazon.

Fish food

My fish is still alive after 8 days with out food.

After being gone for 8 days, I almost became food for the fish in Jamaica Bay. More details to follow later...

I'm all blogged out. Maybe tomorrow.

Put simply

Soooo...

Panic attack

Can someone please take a look at these images and let me know which forecast is correct? I changed the tickets a few hours ago and now I'm bugging out that we'll be landing during a snow storm. I changed the tickets to avoid the storm!! The same app, on 2 different phones, is showing different forecasts!!! Grr... What does the local NY news say? Gasp! Exhale!! Exclamation!!!

::Edit::

I'm told that snow on Saturday is the correct forecast! Thankfully we'll miss the storm!! I'm so relieved!!! I can't stop myself from using vertical punctuation!!!!

::Edit::

The grass is always greener

Still on vacation. I found these a few minutes ago and they seem appropriate with the new year upon us.

Sunshine through my window

That's what you are...

I get what I need, not what I want

My mom was home from the hospital in time to share Christmas with us. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. My gratitude can't fully be expressed with words. I will attempt to give back all the love that was freely given to me.

If your Christmas wasn't everything you hoped it would be then please read on...

Just for today - December 26th

“As we learn to trust this Power, we begin to overcome our fear of life.”

Basic Text, p. 25

––––=––––

We are people accustomed to placing all our eggs in one basket. Many of us had one particular drug of choice that was our favorite. We relied on it to get us through each day and make life bearable. We were faithful to that drug; in fact, we committed ourselves to it without reservation. And then it turned on us. We had been betrayed by the only thing we had ever depended on, and the betrayal left us floundering.

Now that we’ve stumbled into the rooms of recovery, we may be tempted to rely on another human being to meet our needs. We may expect this from our sponsor, our lover, or our best friend. But dependence on human beings is risky. They fall short of perfection. They may be on vacation, sleeping, or in a bad mood when we need them.

Our dependence must rest on a Power greater than ourselves. No human force can restore our sanity, care for our will and our lives, or be unconditionally available and loving whenever we are in need. We place our trust in the God of our understanding, for only that Power will never fail us.

––––=––––

Just for today: I will place my trust in a Power greater than myself, for only that Power will never let me down.

6 years

Just For Today - December 22: A new way to live

“When at the end of the road we find that we can no longer function as a human being, either with or without drugs, we all face the same dilemma.... Either go on as best we can to the bitter ends—jails, institutions, or death—or find a new way to live.”

Basic Text, p. 87

––––=––––

What was the worst aspect of active addiction? For many of us, it wasn’t the chance that we might die some day of our disease. The worst part was the living death we experienced every day, the never-ending meaninglessness of life. We felt like walking ghosts, not living, loving parts of the world around us.

In recovery, we’ve come to believe that we’re here for a reason: to love ourselves and to love others. In working the Twelve Steps, we have learned to accept ourselves. With that self-acceptance has come self-respect. We have seen that everything we do has an effect on others; we are a part of the lives of those around us, and they of ours. We’ve begun to trust other people and to acknowledge our responsibility to them.

In recovery, we’ve come back to life. We maintain our new lives by contributing to the welfare of others and seeking each day to do that better—that’s where the Tenth, Eleventh, and Twelfth Steps come in. The days of living like a ghost are past, but only so long as we actively seek to be healthy, loving, contributing parts of our own lives and the lives of others around us.

––––=––––

Just for today: I have found a new way to live. Today, I will seek to serve others with love and to love myself.

Thank you to everyone who went to the midnight meeting to clap for me when I got my key tag. Hugz, not drugs.

Cliché

Rollin through the 21st...

 

... tomorrow is a new day.

Edit - I picked this video because of how clearly you can hear the crowd singing. Chills. Although the original is still awesome too (my apologies for the commercial).

This made me cry... I've felt like screaming for 2 days... so I did.

 

Love you, Mom.

Okay... Okay... I surrender

Just For Today...

Fear and denial are the opposites of acceptance. None of us are perfect, even in our own eyes; all of us have certain traits that, given the chance, we would like to change. We sometimes become overwhelmed when contemplating how far short we fall of our ideals, so overwhelmed that we fear there’s no chance of becoming the people we’d like to be. That’s when our defense mechanism of denial kicks in, taking us to the opposite extreme: nothing about ourselves needs changing, we tell ourselves, so why worry? Neither extreme gives us the freedom to change.

Whether we are long-time NA members or new to recovery, the freedom to change is acquired by working the Twelve Steps. When we admit our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives, we counteract the lie that says we don’t have to change. In coming to believe that a Power greater than we are can help us, we lose our fear that we are damaged beyond repair; we come to believe we can change. We turn ourselves over to the care of the God of our understanding and tap the strength we need to make a thorough, honest examination of ourselves. We admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being what we’ve found. We accept the good and the bad in ourselves; with this acceptance, we become free to change.

There's a freedom that everyone deserves

I know there's greed and there's corruption
I've seen death and mass destruction
But I'm telling you, and I hope that I'm heard

I will not be commanded
I will not be controlled
I will not let my future go on,
without the help of my soul

... just for today

At least it's something

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38 when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate. Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air. They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there. They were filled with such joy; they didn't know what to say. They remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day. “where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse. “This is heaven" declared a small boy. "We’re spending Christmas at God's house”. When what to their wondering eyes did appear, but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near. He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same. Then He opened His arms and He called them by name. And in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring those children all flew into the arms of their King and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace, one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face. And as if He could read all the questions she had He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad. “then He looked down on earth, the world far below He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe, then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand, “Let My power and presence re-enter this land! “May this country be delivered from the hands of fools” “I’m taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools! “Then He and the children stood up without a sound. “Come now my children let me show you around. “Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran. All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can. And I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight, “in the midst of this darkness,” I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

Merry Christmas

My mom was hospitalized today.

She'll be in there through Christmas.

Pray for us.

Shit happens, kids

 

The lighter side of my day

 

This is a bit long, but worth an entire look. Moderate sound levels are required

Light reading

USA Today has an article today (12/19) that goes over data compiled by the FBI about mass killings. The FBI classifies a mass killing as when 4 or more people are murdered. The data in the article was collected between 2006 - 2010. Here are a few points:

• There were 156 mass killings during the time period
• There were a total of 774 lives taken
• 161 of the lives lost were children under 12
• A lone gunman accounts for less than half of these killings
• 1/3 of mass killings did not involve firearms
• When firearms were used (107 times), pistols were used more than any other weapon (68 times)
• Of all murders during the time period, mass killings account for less than 1%
• During the time period the CDC reports that more people died from:
• Migraines
• Falling out of chairs
• 3 times as many people died from sunstroke

It is my belief that high capacity magazines (100 bullets) for rifles (assault weapons) should be illegal. The US military uses a maximum magazine size of 30 rounds. The US military alters weapons to be belt fed when higher capacity is needed. The CT gunman had 2 pistols and 1 rifle with 30 round magazines. None of the above makes a damn bit of difference if you lost your child or a loved one to gun violence.

• There were a total of 71,945 murders during the time period
• 67% of all murders during the time period were committed with a firearm

Thankfully, Joe Biden has been assigned to lead the discussion on curbing gun violence. We're saved.

Blam!

“Words mean nothing until we put them into action.”

Basic Text, p. 58

––––=––––

The Twelfth Step reminds us “to practice these principles in all our affairs.” In NA, we see living examples of this suggestion all around us. The more experienced members, who seem to have an aura of peace surrounding them, demonstrate the rewards of applying this bit of wisdom in their lives.

To receive the rewards of the Twelfth Step, it is vital that we practice the spiritual principles of recovery even when no one is looking. If we talk about recovery at meetings but continue to live as we did in active addiction, our fellow members may suspect that we are doing nothing more than quoting bumper stickers.

What we pass on to newer members comes more from how we live than what we say. If we advise someone to “turn it over” without having experienced the miracle of the Third Step, chances are the message will fail to reach the ears of the newcomer for whom it’s intended. On the other hand, if we “walk what we talk” and share our genuine experience in recovery, the message will surely be evident to all.

––––=––––

Just for today: I will practice the principles of recovery, even when I’m the only one who knows.

How about those apples?! It only took me about 6 years to get it...

Pow

This requires high volume.

 

He got iFaced, iSmacked, iSlapped... I can't stop laughing.

How is this video over a year old and I haven't seen this?!

3 days and counting?

I have no response to that, but I can offer this...

Here we go again...

She was a paranoid survivalist... She was gun crazed...

This woman is a "family member." They must have been
extremely close... she has no idea what his condition was
or what that entailed. She's the only relative who would
talk so here she is on the news. It must be right... just like
Ryan was the shooter for the better part of the morning
the day of the shootings. The media is ridiculous. It has
become sensationalist crap.

Apples are just divine

Sure the stock is down 200 points in 6 weeks and I want to puke every
time I think about it, but we have God on our side now!

 

Not related, but highly amusing.

Really?

A very recent discussion. I couldn't wait to get off the phone, just to blog this:

Me: How was the city?

DD: It was great. Saw the tree and everything.

Me: Sounds like fun. We did the Christmas thing a few weeks ago. Did you see the Rockettes?

DD: No.

Me: Did you go ice skating?

DD: No.

Me: Did you see the ice sculptures by the Plaza hotel?

DD: No.

Me: Okay... well, did you have any chestnuts? I love them, but they're a rip off. The vendor guy with the cart charged a $1 each. Can you believe that shiz?

DD: I don't even know what that is.

Me: You've never heard of a chestnut?

DD: Nooo.

Me: There's a Christmas song about them.

DD: ... (dead air) ...

Me (in song): Chestnuts roasting on an open fire... Jack Frost nipping at your nose.

DD: Oh. Um...

Me: Sigh. So how was shopping?

DD: It was ammmaaaazzzzing! I bought blah, blah, blah...

What is happening to the world we live in?! How is that most people under 30 live in a fuckin' vacuum? Riding boots, faux fur, chunky scarves, leaving it in 2012, the mayans are predicting the end of the world, someone tried to shoot Justin Bieber, those guns that killed those kids hold like 400 bullets or something like that... it's ridiculous... Obama should ban guns, the list goes on.

This might be the original version... or not. By the way if you pause

at the beginning, you'll notice the song name is wrong. Exhale

Goodnight, kiddo

Talkin' big stacks

I know he's a kid, but the idea of any amount is hilarious...

Unless you're this guy.... cuz Warren is rollin' deep, son.
Ya' heard? Big ups to the Berkshire crew in Omahype, NE

WB... original gangsta. He's a boss.

Real talk (updated, again)

I had to get up and walk out because I couldn't stop laughing...

I love the Beastie Boys, but damn... let's just watch the original music video and leave the gray hair at home. By the way, I'd have given anything to be Dave Chappelle for a minute... mmmm, DROP!!

They just don't makem' like they used to

Amen to that, kidz

Here's a thought...

Happy Holidays

So wrong... hahahaha

Naps

I've never been good at taking naps. When I wake up from a nap I'm usually more tired than when I laid down for a rest. Well, let me correct that... if I wake up from the nap at all. There have been times when I intended to nap for an hour or two and slept for 13 hours. Maybe I'm chronically sleep deprived. I haven't spent much time looking for an answer. Let's just say that if I sleep for less than 6 hours then I wake up pretty grumpy.

Friday night I went to bed around 4AM. I woke up around 9ish because of a few missed phone calls. Silly rabbit, you should fuckin' know better... anyway, I call back my friend and start the day. If you've read the previous post then you know I spent most of the day house cleaning and resenting the non-supermodels who have tracked in dirt and leaf bits. Afterwards, I contemplated taking a nap. This was a big decision for me. I had plans around 7 and was worried that I might sleep through them. Against, my better judgement, I laid down for a nap.

There was a knock at the front door. I open it and see her standing there. I start to speak and she "shushes" me. Her hair is longer. It's wavy. She's wearing the black summer dress I love that hugs her every curve. She leads me to the bedroom. Mocha skin, less furry on the rump area than I remember, "Waxing", she says. We laugh. Things go down... :). We snuggle and fall asleep. At some point later, I wake up from my nap with a smile on my face. All the lights are on in the bedroom. I don't think I left them on. My, God... that's right... she's here! I jump out of bed, call her name, and search the condo... No, she isn't here. She was never there. 

It was a dream. I never dream. It ruined my night. Apparently bad dreams don't have to contain bad things. Seriously, it was fuckin' traumatic. No pun intended.

Keep out

I've come to realize that when I have people over my place it gets dirtier than usual. I'm okay with cleaning up my own stuff, but when others track dirt into my place it's not okay. I got to thinking about the lottery system I was going to put in place when I bought St. Thomas after the power ball drawing... from this point forward, no one is allowed over unless you're completely hairless, bring brand new slippers to wear in place of your shoes, and agree not to use the bathroom - agree not to eat / drink anything - and agree to take any / all garbage that you generate and/or create while here away with you at the time of departure. All of this applies unless you're one of my parents OR a female supermodel. If you're one of the people who fall into the "exceptions category" then you may e-mail me for an application to the condo visit lottery. Confirmed e-mail addresses and dated full body pictures at a resolution of 2000 x 1200 pixels are required. For example:

I heart Catherine Bell. She's 42 years old. God, I'm out of shape lol

This is post 149!

I know what I'm getting...

I found the perfect gift for some of my friends. Sorry to ruin the surprise if you're a lucky recipient and wind up reading this, but I'm so excited about finding the perfect gift that I can't help myself.....








scroll down









don't rush








almost there









okay, here it is

I ordered 6 of these today ;)

Just for right now

That is all. Carry on.

Inspiring

Good stuff.

Just For Today - December 4th

By the time we came to NA, our inner voices had become unreliable and self-destructive. Addiction had warped our desires, our interests, our sense of what was best for ourselves. That’s why it’s been so important in recovery to develop our belief in a Power greater than ourselves, something that could provide saner, more reliable guidance than our own. We’ve begun learning how to rely on this Power’s care and to trust the inner direction it provides us.

As with all learning processes, it takes practice to “pray only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.” The selfish, ego-driven attitudes we developed in our addiction are not cast off overnight. Those attitudes may affect the way we pray. We may even find ourselves praying something like, “Relieve me of this character defect so I can look good.”

The more straightforward we are about our own ideas and desires, the easier it will be to distinguish between our own will and our Higher Power’s will. “Just for your information, God,” we might pray, “here’s what I want in this situation. Nonetheless, I ask that your will, not mine, be done.” Once we do this, we are prepared to recognize and accept our Higher Power’s guidance.

Coincidence?

Real life. It's no fairy tale.

How did it get so late so soon?
It's night before it's afternoon.
December is here before it's June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?
-Dr. Seuss

I told you friends, events are strewn.
Lest you forget the tales I've crooned.
Broken hearts leave lives in ruin.
It's impossible to make amends too soon.
A thousand breaths between each new moon.
Wait too many and you'll sing the tune
How did it get so late so soon?
-Me

My mom is dying. She wants to end her cancer treatments because they haven't worked. It's unlikely that anything (continuing or stopping) will improve her quality of life. No more biopsies, no more shots, no more chemo, no more nausea, no more trips up and down the coast to see the doctor, no more decisions. She doesn't want to deal with being sick anymore. She knows she's sick... being poked and prodded only reinforce the serious nature of her disease. Not having it thrown in her face multiple times a week is a weight lifted. It also means no more waiting, no more wondering, and no more hope. How are the people who are going to watch her waste away supposed to feel? Do we lie and nod our heads in agreement or urge her to endure more of what she despises? Not everyone has enough energy to live like they were dying. I guess it makes for a good story though.

I don't know. It's late and I'm shot. Nothing has been decided yet.

Good for a smile

Hope you smiled too

I have a God in my life, but...

There are times when I go through feelings that tear me apart.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference. Sigh. Exhale.

So good to laugh

I watched this a half dozen times before attempting to film this video.

Stifler's facial expressions are hilarious.

I'll try to find this on YouTube without the laugh track in the foreground.

It's bootleg quality, but you get the idea.

Just awful... #lowbrowhumor

Omg... lol

Interestingly enough this happened later on...

I'm an artist. Coincidence? I think not... ;)